I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
