Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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