What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
