Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
