Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
