don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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