I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
