This is not my ceiling
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
