see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
