i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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