dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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