you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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