Cold hands, warm shart.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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