Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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