i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
