: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
