hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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