If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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