I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
its not stalking. its research.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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