This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
