Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
