Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
