Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
