Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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