he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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