Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
