next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
