it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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