She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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