She tied me up with her honor cords...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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