I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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