And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
