My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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