my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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