i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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