Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you made out with another girl for some wings
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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