sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
