he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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