return my video game
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
