im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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