i would punch a child for taco bell
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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