3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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