i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
