ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
