Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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