the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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