walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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