All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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