i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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