I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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