Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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