shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
