pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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