I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
