I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
