you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
