I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
