Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
