if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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